Why Communication With Boys Is Different (and How to Make It Easier)
Boys are often described as ‘distracted,’ but the truth is—they’re incredibly tuned in. They notice your tone before your words, your posture before your questions, and your mood before you open your mouth. A lot of boys communicate through movement, expression, and energy long before they put anything into sentences. When we, as moms, learn to read their cues, everything gets easier.
Communication Tips for Raising Boys brings together practical tools that help translate what boys show into what they’re trying to say—from the preschooler who uses his whole body to communicate, to the teen who goes silent when he’s overwhelmed.
On this resource, you’ll find:
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A free downloadable MOB Feelings Sheet to help boys identify and name their emotions without pressure.
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Two podcast episodes—one for younger boys, one for teens and young adults—packed with strategies from psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst.
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Additional MOB podcast recommendations to support emotional awareness and connection.
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A link to the influential Raising Cain: Raising Boys in America documentary, a must-watch for understanding how boys experience the world.
These tools are here to help you tune in, connect more easily, and support your son as he learns to navigate big feelings in a way that feels natural to him.
Podcasts & Essential Viewing: Understanding How Boys Communicate
🎧 Tips for Teaching Young Boys to Use Their Words: Advice from an Expert
Age Focus: Toddlers – Early Elementary
With: Psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
Younger boys often communicate through movement, energy, and big feelings. In How to Talk to Teen Boys: Communication Tips to Build Trust, Dr. Vanderhorst shares how to slow things down, interpret their cues, and guide them toward using their words—without shutting them down or overwhelming them, and how research suggests that boys come into the world with a broader range of emotional expression than girls do.
Key Skills Covered:
- Cultural Messages That Shut Down Boys’ Emotions
- Why Some Boys Struggle in Traditional Classrooms in Elementary School
- Why Boys Open Up More Without Eye Contact
- Three Mantras for Raising Emotionally Healthy Boys
🎧 How to Talk to Teen Boys: Communication Tips to Build Trust
Age Focus: Tweens, Teens & Young Adults
With: Psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst
As boys grow, their communication becomes more complex—and sometimes more limited. How to Talk to Teen Boys: Communication Tips to Build Trust helps moms understand why teens pull away, their lack of impulse control, what’s happening in their brains, and how to create conversations that feel safe, respectful, and judgment-free.
Topics Covered:
- What’s Happening Inside the Teen Boy Brain
- Emotional Development and Helping Boys Name Their Feelings
- Impulse, Risk-Taking, and Teenage Decision-Making
- Anxiety, Shutdowns, and the Importance of Rituals
- Staying Connected When They Leave the Nest
Why a Feeling Sheet Helps Boys Communicate
Psychologist Dr. Gloria Vanderhorst recommends using a Feeling Sheet in both of our MOB communication podcasts, and for good reason: boys often feel things long before they can verbalize them. When they can’t find the words, they fall back on silence, avoidance, or expressive behavior. A Feeling Sheet gives them a simple, visual way to pinpoint what’s going on—no pressure, no lectures, no “use your words” showdown.
It also helps you shift from guessing to understanding. A quick tap on the chart can tell you whether your son is tired, overwhelmed, embarrassed, frustrated, or just needs space. It opens the door to calmer conversations, builds emotional vocabulary, and helps boys feel seen—without making it heavy.
Documentary: Raising Cain – Understanding the Inner Lives of Boys
A landmark documentary, Raising Cain: Raising Boys in America, based on the bestselling book Raising Cain, explores how culture, school environments, and emotional expectations shape boys’ behavior and communication. It’s an insightful, research-backed look at what boys need—emotionally, socially, and developmentally.
Why It’s a Perfect Fit for the MOB:
- Explains why boys respond more to tone than words
- Highlights emotional sensitivity in boys
- Offers a clearer understanding of “acting out” vs. “speaking out”
- Helps parents support boys with empathy and confidence
📺️ Watch Party Idea from Suzy
I first discovered Raising Cain when my boys were little, and it completely shifted how I communicated with them. It was the spark that eventually grew into the Mothers of Boys Survival Guide community.
The documentary is split into two one-hour parts:
- Part 1 focuses on young boys—their surprising emotional sensitivity from birth, how easily we misread their physicality as aggression, and what they need from us in early childhood and elementary school.
- Part 2 follows boys into adolescence—how puberty changes their emotional world, what behaviors are red flags, and a gripping case study where high school boys take responsibility for their actions in a way that will stick with you. (I share a similar story in my book.)
When my boys were small, most of my friends were raising girls. I kept noticing the dramatic differences in behavior and wondered if I was missing something. So I invited every boy-mom I knew to my house for a viewing party. The conversation afterward was raw, honest, and transformative. We didn’t even make it to Part 2 that night—no one had childcare that long—but it didn’t matter. We had found our people, and the MOB (Mothers of Boys) community was born.
Years later, as my boys edged into middle school, I hosted another viewing—this time in a community room over two nights. I invited a friend who was a student advocate to help facilitate the discussion. We opened it to the entire community. Moms, Dads, Grandparents… the conversations were extraordinary. And once again, a MOB community grew out of that shared experience.
Yes, the documentary was produced in 2006. But the research, insight, and case studies remain some of the most impactful I’ve seen in my entire parenting journey.
If you watch it, I’d love to hear what resonates with you—and what changes in your home afterward.
You can find the YouTube link here: RAISING CAIN: Exploring the Inner Lives of America’s Boys – Michael Thompson, Ph.D.
More MOB Podcasts to Support Communication and Connection
These episodes build on the same ideas Dr. Vanderhorst emphasizes—understanding how boys express themselves through movement, energy, behavior, and brain development.
🎧 Built to Move: A Guide to Boys’ Physical Development and Conditioning
Boys communicate through their bodies long before they communicate through words. This episode explains why physical movement is essential for emotional regulation and how to support healthy development.
🎧 Understanding Energetic Boys and ADHD: Insights from a Pediatrician
High energy, impulsivity, distraction—these are communication signals, not character flaws. Learn how to interpret what your son’s behavior is telling you and how to respond in ways that help him thrive.
🎧 Raising Boys with Brains in Mind: A Guide to Their Development
Boys’ brains mature on a different timeline. This episode breaks down how their neurological development affects communication, emotional control, and the “why” behind their behavior.
🎧 Purposeful Play: Raising Boys Who Learn by Doing
Play is communication for boys. Get practical tips for using movement, hands-on activities, and curiosity-driven play to help boys express themselves and build real-world skills.
