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In this episode, Suzy Shaw talks with authenticity and life coach Lynda Leonce about the powerful connection between personal growth and effective parenting. Together, they explore how awareness, presence, and trust can transform the parent-child relationship and why many parenting challenges become easier when we stop trying to control outcomes.
Lynda shares her own journey from living according to expectations to embracing a more authentic path and explains how parents can let go of fear, perfectionism, and future-focused thinking. The conversation covers conscious parenting, supporting children through challenges, raising independent decision-makers, and learning to choose peace over reactivity. This episode offers a refreshing perspective for moms who want to build stronger relationships with their sons while growing alongside them.
Lynda Leonce is a Conscious Life and Parenting Coach who helps women move beyond limiting beliefs, emotional patterns, and external expectations to live with greater awareness, authenticity, and peace. Her work is rooted in her own personal journey of self-discovery and has been influenced by the teachings of Eckhart Tolle, Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Dr. Joe Dispenza, and RJ Spina.
Through one-on-one coaching, writing, and online resources, Lynda empowers parents to trust themselves, strengthen their relationships with their children, and approach parenting from a place of presence rather than control. She is passionate about helping others reconnect with their true selves and experience greater freedom, joy, and fulfillment in everyday life.
The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Consult with a qualified professional for specific guidance.
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As moms, it’s easy to believe that successful parenting is about finding the right strategy, solving the next problem, or helping our sons avoid mistakes. But what if the most important work we do as parents has less to do with changing our children and more to do with understanding ourselves?
Today’s guest is Lynda Leonce. She’s a life and parenting coach who helps parents approach their relationships with their children from a place of greater awareness, presence, and trust. Today, we’ll explore how our mindset shapes our parenting. Why letting go of control can strengthen our connection with our children, and how moms can show up with greater presence, trust, and intentions as they raise their sons. Welcome, Lynda.
Lynda Leonce: Thank you. Thanks for that warm, comprehensive introduction.
Suzy Shaw: So, could you tell us just a little bit about your journey and how you got into mindfulness and coaching?
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, sure. I would say about five years ago, maybe more like six, I had a moment where I really looked at my life and realized that everything that I had done and everything that I had created while I was fortunate to have created the things I wanted, I did the things in my career, I got the promotions, I had the job, the ideal home that I wanted. Everything I created was there. However, I did that out of following a script and the script that I was following, I wasn’t sure where I came from and who gave it to me, but it was something I adopted early on in life, and I was running with it, but it wasn’t genuinely mine. And so around I really saw the truth of that, that I was just following all the expectations and all the shoulds and started to really question who am I and what do I want for myself?
And at the same time, for many years throughout my kids’ lives, I’d been listening to wisdom teachers. So I was always drawn to the inner world and knowing my mind, like, why am I always feeling like no matter what I do, I don’t feel like I’m good enough, or I have all these expectations of myself, all these “shoulds” that don’t even feel genuine. They just feel like pressure that’s coming from somewhere else. It’s not like I want to do whatever it is; I’m doing it from a place of pressure. So I really started to look at that.
At the time, there was a wisdom teacher/ parenting and life coach who was doing a program, a certification program, and I was drawn in. It felt like something that I would really benefit from. However, I was doing it so that I could learn to coach myself and parent myself, not so much to support others. I think that became a byproduct of me just going on that journey and realizing now that I know the space within that I want to be in, I can support others who are ready for that to do the same within themselves.
And so I really feel like the journey was sparked through my own pain, my own challenges, my own feeling of not feeling fulfilled, essentially.
Suzy Shaw: And you have two daughters. How old were they when you went through this awakening?
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, it was five or six years ago. They’re 14 and 17, so seven and 10 maybe.
Suzy Shaw: My boys are older, they’re in their late 20s now, but that’s just such a very, very busy part of your life. I think it makes many moms become reflective as their kids get older.
So what exactly is a conscious life and parenting coach, and how does that differ from other parenting advice coaches?
Lynda Leonce: I would say it’s more of coming from being aware because consciousness is awareness. So you’re not parenting from a place of following any type of rules or it’s coming from within you, like aware of why am I telling my child to do blah, blah, blah? Where is that coming from? Is that the real me, or is that programming, conditioning, ideas of how I should be raising them?
So it’s rooted in being the real you and recognizing that you’re a sovereign being, they’re a sovereign being. You’re not here to raise them, you’re here to create an environment for them to thrive, and how it unfolds is not really not so much about us; it’s about them and their journey. And we’re just here to kind of walk alongside them and support them when they ask for our support.
Suzy Shaw: Right. Well, recognizing those signs that they need support.
Lynda Leonce: Whether it’s verbally saying it or just being attuned to them and realizing that maybe we can step in.
Suzy Shaw: Parenting for me was a big slice of humble pie. So you think you can figure it out pretty easily, but there is such an opportunity to grow as a person. And you suggest that the growth should be focused less on changing the child and more on the parent’s personal journey. So help us understand what you mean by that.
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, I feel it’s more about us seeing it as where it’s about, it’s here for us. Our children are not here for us to raise and it’s more about, well, if my child is going through a challenging time, maybe with grades, what is this here to teach me about this whole experience with them, with me, and maybe in seeing that this challenge is coming up for them and you really look at it for what it is, you might decide or realize that you don’t really care about the grades and how their academic world turns out. What really matters to you is that you connect to your child, that you enjoy experiencing them, being with them, not really holding any desire for how their lives turn out. You’re just enjoying the experience. And I feel like if you go deep enough into the work, we start to let go of all those concerns with how things unfold, whether child becomes successful or gets whatever accolades or whatever, and it’s more about us enjoying the journey together with them of being in that role of parent while also not holding on to the role, if that makes sense, just enjoying it as it is.
Suzy Shaw: One of the things that I had to learn early in my parenting journey was how different my kids were and how my expectations and how I communicated with them, even. needed to be different for each child. So I wrote a book called child. So I wrote a book called Mother or Boys Survival Guide, and in that book I call them Earnest and Exuberance, and that just gives you a hint for how different their personalities were in their energy level.
Understanding that it’s scary for parents to lower standards or expectations, what does letting go look like in everyday parenting?
Lynda Leonce: Well, I would say in exactly what you just said, as a parent, if you’re feeling the fear and you’re feeling like you can’t let go of expectations, ask yourself, “Why is that? What is that about? Is that really about my child and their lives, about something deeper within me that maybe I’m not willing to look at?” But it’s creating a sense of stress, pressure, and expectations on our child, on ourselves, and can I let go of that? Because maybe it’s not necessary, maybe it’s part of something I just picked up along the way in life that things need to be a certain way in my parenting, in my child’s life, and maybe it’s not the truth. And allow yourself to see where that really is coming from.
Suzy Shaw: Yeah, and I think our journey, all that informs us and our understanding of the world and how we parent, needs to be flexible enough to value and see what our kids actually want and how to support them in their future.
Is that part of what you’re saying about the letting go?
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, I would say at the foundation of it is living right here and now and not so much focusing on a future, even, especially whatever it is that your child might be focusing on in terms of a career or grades at the end of school or whatever it might be. And really embodying and living from right here, right now, enjoying whatever it is happening in the moment with your child and keeping the focus there.
The more we practice and embody being present with our children and showing them that I’m focused here and now on being with you, my mind is not wanting to jump to how things turn out for myself or for you. I want to be day to day enjoying the experience of you and me here now. And what can we do together? That’s fun. What can we do if you’re passionate about guitar? Let’s explore things that we can do so that you can have more opportunities to practice and play guitar.
So it’s like always coming back to now and focusing on being with your child right here and now and supporting them in the best possible way now because their future will be perfectly fine if we’re rooted in now and enjoying just showing them up day to day, being with them, enjoying them and connecting with them where they’re at on a day-to-day basis. We don’t really have to focus. I think a part of the pressure and the challenge of parenting is that it tends to be future-focused, right?
Suzy Shaw: We’ve done a podcast on mindfulness (Mindful Mamma, Strong Son: Helping Our Children to Reset Stress), which has had a little bit of a different flavor to what you’re talking about. It was also trying to teach our children mindfulness, which I suggest is also another way to help with anxiety as they begin to struggle. I mean, there are struggles in life. They’re not unavoidable. So you have to figure out a way to teach your kids how to deal with those struggles when they’re not meeting their expectations.
So let’s presume that your child is coming home from school and they’re struggling with a class or with school in general, and in boys that often looks like aggression. They can start acting out in school. So, what would you suggest is the way a mom should support that balance of emotional responsibility and performance?
Lynda Leonce: That’s a good tangible example we can work with. So I would say, as you were sharing, the first thing I would say in terms of a mindset shift is to shift from calling things a struggle to a challenge, because when we see it as a struggle, like how does that feel? That feels like you’re working against something, and it’s like, it feels harsh, but if you see it as a challenge, then it’s something you get to rise up to. You feel the difference? It’s like, wow, okay, it’s something I’m going to overcome. And you feel like I can’t wait to do that. The other way feels like, oh my gosh, this is going to be hard because it’s a struggle. So that alone can really shift how we approach it if we see it differently to begin with.
What we tend to do is react. We don’t allow the presence and the peace of us sitting together to shift things naturally. If that makes sense. Like if you’re sitting there and you don’t react, you allow them to have whatever experience. If they start crying or whatever, and you’re holding yourself in peace because you’re not seeing lack. You’re not seeing them as missing, you’re enjoying them as they are. There’s nothing wrong. They’re having an emotional experience. You’re there with them. Allow them to have it and see what happens next.
I think that’s a powerful place to be because you’re embodying that everything’s fine, and what happens next for them is to be seen, but perhaps they won’t see it. They may have their own realization through you just sitting with them, like, wow, maybe I don’t have to be so upset about this. So I think there’s so much power in doing things from that place.
Suzy Shaw: I think what you said about peace, sitting in peace, is such an important concept because you can lean into all that negative energy, and it can just explode, I think, in lots of different ways.
Lynda Leonce: And that’s where knowing that the journey with your child, where you’re going through raising them and being with them together, it’s not about them. It’s about us always being anchored in ourselves and knowing that everything is fine moment to moment, no matter what, if things explode, we’re still the steady, peaceful rock, and the whole experience is there for us to enjoy together, all the highs, the lows, and we’re just like this.
Suzy Shaw: We just finished a couple of podcasts on conscious parenting (What Is Conscious Parenting? How to Stay Calm and Connected When Raising Kids and Co-Parenting with Different Styles: How to Get on the Same Page and Stop Mixed Messages), which is sort of a similar strategy, I think, of that peacefulness.
So, one of my personal goals in decision-making was to raise children who were independent and resilient and could make good decisions. And some of that is, what do you do in is, what do you do in these moments of reaction that could take you in a different direction? So, do you have any suggestions for how parents can guide their children towards that independence and decision-making without becoming overly controlling and not allowing them to make decisions on their own?
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, I would say holding the mindset that this is their journey, their path, their unfolding of how things are, and always keeping it as the mindset that this is their life, their decisions there. We’re not the ones imparting any… like with my kids, personally, I’m just there to answer any questions they have. I don’t give suggestions about what to do. I ask them, “Well, what do you feel like you want to do next?” You’re faced with these options. What feels right for you in this moment? Do you want to do this thing or that thing? And let them have their own insights because what you’re doing is you’re in alignment with yourself. You realize that it’s not about you, it’s about them deciding, and you’re just modeling, “Okay, so what would I do if I was in your situation?” You can offer it from your perspective that way.
Just always keeping in your lane, if that makes sense and allowing them to continue that sense of, “This is my life, my decisions, I’m a sovereign being.” The more we model that and also embody faith in them, not feeling like we need to be involved in meddling, I think a lot of times when we want to meddle, it’s because we’re not allowing ourselves to trust our child to make decisions that are best for them. And so if we know and we’re anchored in knowing that my child within them, exactly what I have within me to know what’s best for me, they have that too, regardless of age, and let them decide. All we’re there to do is answer questions like, “Mom, I don’t know about this thing. Do you think that makes sense?” And then you can give whatever knowledge you have about the options they’re sharing, but it’s still their path and how they decide to choose. And whatever they choose, remaining like, “Okay, great.” And not putting any judgment or like, “I don’t know if that sounds right in there.”
Even if we think it’s not the right choice, still being okay with them making a mistake and allowing them to learn from that without feeling like there’s anything lacking, because they’re learning from their decision, if it’s wrong, it will be perfect for them, because they’re going to get so much out of that. The course correcting will be brilliant for them and deepen their resilience and their independence even more.
Suzy Shaw: Yeah, I totally agree. My husband and I always felt like we wanted our children to make mistakes while they were home with us instead of later in life, so that you can figure out how to reflect and make a better decision and not become paralyzed with decision-making. Because there’s… I’m sure we all have people in our lives who just seem as though they never learned how to make a decision. They’re just paralyzed by the stress of having to make a choice.
Lynda Leonce: Interesting. Yeah, I would say if that’s happening, it’s maybe allow yourself to see that. Like, what’s that about? Question it. Because there’s something probably worth looking into. Yeah.
Suzy Shaw: Right. So if you were talking with a mom about making a shift into this mindfulness and presence and peace, what is the first thing somebody should do?
Lynda Leonce: Notice the difference between when you’re in your head versus when you’re not… when that hamster wheel of thought after thought after thought is running and start to become aware of that when it’s happening, because that’s not constructive. We feel like when we’re thinking, we’re getting somewhere, but it really doesn’t do us any service. It’s not constructive. It’s just a pattern of the mind running and running.
And so allow yourself to right now maybe think of one or two places where you go that maybe once in a while or regularly that really feel peaceful and relaxing for you. And for me, if I walk outside and take a block or go down a trail outdoors here, it really clears my mind, gives me a sense of being back in myself, and that starts to quiet. So find those places and visit them more and more, and you’ll start to feel more in touch with when you’re really being in yourself or when that’s running, and choose to know that you can drop this. This can quiet down, and this can be more of the driver in your life if you truly keep practicing and choosing to step away from when that’s happening.
Suzy Shaw: The hamster wheel.
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, it’s our choice to really become aware and choose not to let that happen. Right.
Suzy Shaw: So I ask all of our guests to share a mantra, a simple phrase that a mom can repeat to herself when she’s feeling those overwhelmed, reactive, concerned moments. Do you have one you could share?
Lynda Leonce: When that happens, it’s because again, it’s like we’re stuck in the head thinking, thinking and feeling like we have to think up a solution or figure things out. Realize that that’s just happened. You’ve gone back to doing this, and it doesn’t get you anywhere.
So allow yourself to realize I’m stuck in my head. It’s not about me. It’s about my child. And it’s about how I can be here right now and not be doing that? Because the more I can be me, be anchored in myself and realize maybe it’s time to even go outside and take another walk, then things can shift. And it’s a choice to just see that when it happens and not allow it to continue. Because once we get into that hamster wheel, it just keeps going. But you have to choose to step away and not allow that to happen.
Suzy Shaw: Yeah. So choose peace.
Lynda Leonce: Choose peace. And it’s not the parenting journey. It’s not about my child. It’s about me. Yeah.
Suzy Shaw: So where can listeners go for more information about you
Lynda Leonce: Yeah, I would say Live From Your Truth is the website. And that’s where you can find ways to contact me. Or if you’d like to meet one-on-one, we can do that as well. I also share a lot of free insights like this on social media. So you can find the links to that as well on the website.
Suzy Shaw: We will share this podcast, the links to your resources on the mothersofboys.life website. So thank you very much for joining us today.
Lynda Leonce: Thank you for having me.
