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They say it takes a village to raise a child—and when you’re raising boys, that village can be especially important. Suzy talks with Laurie Ann Steinmetz, mom of 3 adult sons and creator and host of the MOOBment Podcast, about the friendships that help moms survive the chaos, find perspective, ask for help, and remember they’re not alone. From carpools and sports fields to the friends who step in when life gets overwhelming, they explore what makes a great mom friend and why fellow boy moms sometimes just get it.
Suzy and Laurie Ann also look back at what they wish they’d known when their boys were younger—including the importance of not losing yourself in motherhood, ignoring the illusion of perfection on social media, and trusting that your sons really are listening even when it seems like they aren’t. Their conversation is a reminder to give yourself some grace, build a village you can count on, and ultimately give your boys both roots and wings.
Laurie Ann Steinmetz is the proud mom of three adult sons, host of The MOOBment Podcast, and founder of The MOOBment, a community created especially for MOOBs—Mothers Of Only Boys. After realizing there wasn’t one place where all-boy moms could connect, learn, laugh, and feel truly understood, Laurie Ann decided to create one.
Through The MOOBment, Laurie Ann brings moms together for encouragement, expert advice, meaningful friendships, and honest conversations about the unique experience of raising only boys. The community also welcomes the people who know and love MOOBs, creating a larger village of support and understanding.
The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Consult with a qualified professional for specific guidance.
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Raising Boys Takes a Village: Why Mom Friends Matter
They say it takes a village to raise a child, and in my experience, that’s absolutely true. From the garbage men who appreciated the little boys watching the trash pickup, to the neighbor who took the emergency drop-off because the cat was sick, to the family that stayed with my sick kid when I couldn’t cancel a meeting. Yes, it took a village.
Raising boys can be a wonderful, hilarious, exhausting, and occasionally leave you wondering, is this normal? And sometimes the person you need the most is another mom who’s been there or who’s in the trenches with you.
My guest today understands that well. Laurie Ann Steinmetz is the mom of three adult sons and the creator and host of the MOOBment podcast. MOOB stands for Mothers of Only Boys, similar to the MOB, which is the Mothers of Boys Survival Guide that we’re doing. So, all in fun supporting moms. Her work is bringing moms together to share experiences, learn from one another, and realize we don’t have to figure this out by ourselves.
So Laurie Ann, welcome to the podcast. I have a feeling we have a lot to talk about. Absolutely.
Laurie Ann: Thank you for having me. I’m very excited. And yes, we do have a lot of overlap and a lot in common.
Suzy: So let’s get to it. Yeah. So tell me a little bit about yourself, your story, your boys-only.
Laurie Ann: Sure. Well, I have three grown sons and no daughters. So in my book, that makes me a MOOB, that’s a Mothers Of Only Boys. And that’s an acronym that I actually created many years ago, when one day I found myself circled by my closest friends, and the conversation started basically in the direction of their girls. And I realized at the moment that I was the only one there who didn’t have a daughter. And some of them had boys; they had sons, but they also had daughters. And it really set me apart. And I realized that there were certain things that they kind of kicked me in the gut a little, and they had absolutely no idea.
So a little later on, time went by, and I met other mothers of only boys, and we were able to commiserate and understand each other from the get-go. And I decided after many years went by, I retired, I had a little time on my hands and I was looking for a creative outlet and something to do, then I would start the MOOBment. And here we are.
Suzy: And here we are. So, I’m wondering if you had that realization that you needed more mothers of boys- only boys in your life- around the same time I did, which was in early kind of elementary school. And for me, I found this documentary called Raising Cain: Raising Boys in America. And I realized that it was totally different. And so I invited my friends who only had boys to come on over and watch the documentary and the support and the information and the sharing that went on for that was really almost life changing for me.
Laurie Ann: Yeah. I think it is paramount to raising children to have other moms in your life, regardless. And my closest friends, as I said, most of them have girls, but we really did need each other. We leaned on each other. I was fortunate enough to have both my parents and my in-laws at the time within a stone’s throw so that they would help somewhat. But on an everyday basis, it’s the moms in the trenches that you really lean on. And they were so important.
But I did find that some of the issues, some of the things I was going through, especially with 3 boys, running from one sports field to the next in different directions. And sometimes it’s not as easy because I always considered myself somewhat of a girly girl. And so some of the things that they were into were not exactly my favorite things. And I really was able to rely on mothers of only boys or mothers who had sons to help me out because they were pretty much in the same trenches that I was. So they were important in my life and still are important in my life and still amongst my closest friends.
Suzy: Yeah. Same for me. They are still among my closest friends and the whole testosterone-driven household… And I remember sort of one example when The Walking Dead was out, a very gore-filled TV series. And my husband and our boys loved to watch this, which I thought was really harmful, and I had no interest. I just didn’t have any interest. And I spent a couple of seasons in another room watching something else. And then I finally just threw in the towel and joined them because they’re shouting at the television, like it’s a sports event. Did you have moments like that?
Laurie Ann: Yeah. I mean, you really have this kind of push and pull. You don’t want to feel left out, but you’re really not crazy about being part of what they’re doing. So you have to kind of figure it all out.
In my house, it was really sports. And it’s not that I’m not a sports fan. I actually am a sports fan, but the level that they got into it and the physicality also, kind of bouncing balls off of the ceiling and everything. But again, with their dad, trading players and the players’ stats. And as they got older, the whole fantasy league thing was just out of my realm.
And I did my share- the video games, all of that kind of thing to get interested and get involved because I wanted to be part of their life. But I have to say that, for me, I looked at it as if I would be involved in what they liked, but I was not willing to really give up too much of what I wanted. So I pulled them into the kitchen with me. I made sure that we cooked together and had a good time doing it. Each of my three sons, especially my youngest, are amazing chefs as adults. They take such pride in cooking and not only cooking, but plating the dishes and serving their wives. And I really take credit for that because I really tried to pull them into my world a little. Now, we didn’t really go shopping as much as I would have liked, and I certainly wasn’t taking them to the beauty salon, but I did the best I could with that to make everybody happy.
Suzy: So what did you find was the hardest thing to talk about with other moms? And was it easier to talk with the MOOB than it was with your friends that might have had girls too?
Laurie Ann: Yeah, so it was different for different stages of my life. I think when the kids are young, the daughter thing was a little less important. We were all just trying to survive, you know, how it was. And with 3 boys, that’s what it was about.
For me, I actually decided after the third son came along, and life was pretty chaotic, to cut short my career, at least my career at that time. I was, I still am, a CPA, and I pivoted from working in a CPA firm to doing headhunting and recruiting for accounting and finance professionals.
And I found that I was trying to do a full-time job and part-time hours and juggle 3 kids. So I decided I was fortunate enough to be able to take that time off. And you know, we made sacrifices, obviously, without a second salary, and it’s a lot more difficult to do it now. But I found myself home with 3 kids, and I did lean on other moms, and at that stage in life, it didn’t really matter as much as far as the boys and the girls. But as they got older, I found the girls became my friends, and the daughters became more involved with their daughters, you know, at the mini-meas, as they would call them. And they would, you know, do the tea parties and the fun things and that I was really not a part of. And you know, I felt it. I did feel it.
So there were other mothers of only boys who I naturally gravitated to, and we had that in common. And it was nice to have. It was important to have in my life at that point. As they got older, different issues, you know, you were the mother of the groom, not the mother of the bride. You know, there were different things. And again, I’m really blessed. I have three incredible daughters-in-law, and it all worked out great. But there are differences, like you have to acknowledge there’s a difference being the mother of the son versus the mother of the daughter.
So, you know, those MOOBs, those other mothers of boys, they just, they get it without you even having to talk about it. And it’s really nice to have them in your lives.
Suzy: I call my boys Ernest and Exuberance in the book (Mothers of Boys Survival Guide) that I wrote, and Exuberance in particular during that adolescent high school, middle school timeframe was in a large band of very, very active boys. And it took everybody to keep track of them. I mean, it was like a constant text thread of, have you seen them? Do you know where they are? What are they up to? And I am not sure any of them would have survived if we weren’t all sort of lurking between, you know, underneath the water. You know, what made a good mom friend to you?
Laurie Ann: You know, I think having someone with some of the same values really mattered. People that you can trust. I think I developed my friendships back then based on my kids. And you were, at least I was generally most with my oldest son because that was the first one, you know, met a lot of my friends through him. And it was the ones that we had most in common, but I guess we also had, as you say, we had the commonality of keeping our kids alive and keeping them all, like, you know, within a stone’s throw and figuring it out altogether. So that was important.
Down the road, I think maybe you, as your kids get older, you keep some of those friendships, but other things matter. And, you know, meeting people that don’t revolve around your kids is more important as they get older and they leave the house. So, but yeah, I mean, it does help to have people in your life who have the same values, who have the same goals and can help each other. It’s important.
Suzy: Yes, absolutely. You know, so when they’re little, we’re going to playgrounds, and then as they get older, at school, I remember, you know, some moms- I was like high-fiving them in the halls all the time at the school, you know, coming in for one reason or another. And then you’ve got sports, and you really, you know, build the connection. I think when you’re, for me, it was carpooling, you know, when you’re driving around everybody else’s kid, it makes a big difference.
And I had a moment where I had to have surgery; I had to have a disc replaced in my neck. So totally major surgery, a lot of drugs, and the MOB is the one who came in and said, “Okay, you got to stop. You have to accept help. You’re no longer in the carpool, but your son is.” And I think I was not even realizing at that time how underwater I was. And it’s hard, I think, to be honest. Do you have any tips about that honesty and sharing with your friends?
Laurie Ann: Yeah. So, you know, first of all, I laugh about what you said about carpool. As you know, boys are not usually very forthright and communicative. They’re just not. But you throw a bunch of boys in your car, and you’re driving them around, and you listen to them talk amongst themselves and so on, and you get a lot out of them. So that was great. And sharing that with friends, like what they say in your car- what do you know, it really is.
Suzy: Good intel there.
Laurie Ann: Yeah, very good intel. So that was the carpool thing. So as far as friends, I have a theory. And yes, we did rely on each other. And I’m not, I happen to not be a good person to, like ask for help and ask for favors and things. And that comes difficult for me. And I’m always trying. And I tell people now, like younger moms and people who are raising kids and trying to do it all, it’s okay to ask for help. I should have asked for more help. It’s one of the things I should have done.
And I feel like I really relied on those more than I really thought. But I do have this theory. I have this theory about friendships. It’s my Laurie Ann theory. All right. That you can have A friends, B friends, C friends, and D friends. They are all important in your life, and they all matter. You just need to know who’s an A, who’s a B, who’s a C, and who’s a D. And that way nobody gets hurt. So that you don’t rely on somebody who’s not really your A or B and are disappointed that they didn’t come through for you.
So I think that as your kids are younger, those A friends are the ones that you really rely on. They’re there for you. You have an injury. You have something that goes on. You don’t even hesitate. They don’t say anything except, “When do you need me? I’ll be there.” And like, “Right, we’re coming in and we’re surviving.” And that’s great. And it’s important. But as you get older, you realize you need all those other friends as well. You need the camaraderie. You need the support. And not everybody has to be that close or that much of a sister, so to speak, in your life to matter. And that’s kind of what I found.
Suzy: Yeah. I relate to what you’re saying. And I have a huge variety of friends. And in addition to just the friends of my kids, it was important to me to keep a little piece of myself, to not lose yourself in this whole mother child raising period and to figure out what it is that you want to do for just yourself and make time for that. Did you do that as well?
Laurie Ann: So it’s really interesting. I speak to a lot of younger moms now, younger MOOBs. And I think this generation has it right. We were born way too soon, Suzy. They are really big on self-care, and I give them a lot of credit. These younger moms, they make time. I mean, they work hard, and a lot of them are really juggling careers and kids. And it’s not easy. But they seem to really, most of them, try to make time for themselves. And I think it’s so important. It does take a village. We can and should rely on each other. We should rely on anybody in our lives: our parents, our in-laws. As a mother-in-law, I love it when my girls and my boys call me and say, “Help.” Right. Nothing I’d rather be doing than watching my grandchildren. And I think that this generation, they’ll go off to a spa. They’ll go take some time for themselves. And I think it’s healthy, it’s wonderful, and we should learn. And I try. I really do.
I had a guest on my show. Her name was Abby Hansen. She left us with really a lot of different tips, but one of them was the Take 5 Minute Challenge. And she said, “No matter what is going on in your life, in your day, take five minutes, whether you wake up five minutes earlier, you lock yourself in your car, literally five minutes to breathe, and it will reset you and you will be fine.” And I’ve been taking that to heart. And I find it really makes a difference because you have to take care of yourself in order to take care of your family.
Suzy: Yes. And I feel this as though the partners in the child-raising- the spouse, the significant other are much more engaged today. It’s been a continuum, and it’s better, I think, for the most part.
Laurie Ann: Maybe it’s thanks to us because we raised boys who are involved. And that’s the thing.
I mean, there is, as you know, and as many people know, and a lot of my guests, and I’m sure your guests as well, have told us, there is a huge conversation now about raising boys. And we spent many, many years understandably working on the women’s revolution, the revolution for girls. And girls can be anything and do anything. And we’re still working on it, but we got the message across. We have girls who are doctors; we have girls who are lawyers. And many years ago, that was not the thing. I mean, when I was young, are you going to be a teacher, a nurse, whatever? So I think girls have more opportunities.
And now the conversation is turning to boys. It’s like just because girls can do anything doesn’t mean that boys can’t do anything. So if a boy wants to be a nurse, if a boy wants to be a childcare worker, that’s great. And that’s perfectly okay. And our society needs to just come around a little and pick up on the problem, because it is a problem now. We see the crime rate so much; boys are committing crimes more than girls and women. And there is just incarceration, I mean, so much that there is a crisis with boys. And I think that our generation as moms, hopefully, are raising the next generation, like you say, of more involved, more communicative, more sensitive men. I see it in my boys. I think that we need to keep going with this. And let’s pat each other on the back. I think we’re doing a really good job. There we go.
Suzy: I agree. And that balance is what we hope for. And I think that social media, which is something that really came steamrolling into our lives and hadn’t been there previously, like this current generation of moms grew up with it more. But I think that we had to learn that social media is not reality. And you can’t believe that everything you see and people are doing is fabulous and feel bad about the way your life is going. And that’s, to me, one of the reasons that friends were so important: to have that reality check against what you did online. Did you feel that?
Laurie Ann: Absolutely. And good friends. And if you’re lucky enough to have good friends, because there are friends out there that fake it along with everybody else. That actually makes you feel worse sometimes. But yeah, the social media thing.
And I also, I never, until recently with the MOOBment, I really didn’t take advantage of social media all that much and didn’t post much because I sometimes did think about how it could be hurtful to people. Sometimes you don’t even realize it’s a tough thing. And our kids in this generation, they have to deal with it, and they have to deal with this whole idea of perfection and doing things perfectly right. And nobody has a life like that. It’s not all real.
Suzy: Right. And we’re just all on a treadmill. And the larger your village is, the more people are exactly like you.
So for a younger mom who’s trying to figure out how to make that village for herself, do you have any suggestions of how to get started?
Laurie Ann: Yeah. It’s why I created the MOOBment. I felt that there needs to be a community for like-minded people who are going through similar things, who want to share, who want to vent, who want to laugh, who want to make fun with each other and commiserate. And there are groups like that for everything. And that’s one of the pluses of social media. There are those minuses we just discussed, but there are a lot of pluses because there are groups. There are Facebook groups out there, Instagram groups out there.
I would say look inside yourself and, depending on what stage of life you’re in, see what interests you. If you are a cook, if you like theater, a musical theater, find groups of people like that. When your kids are young, it’s a lot easier because you’re going, like you said, their activities and school, camp; there are lots of ways.
Get a dog. It’s a great way. You go out and walk your dog. You meet a million people walking their dogs. And it’s just a great conversation. If you don’t want to get a dog, borrow a dog for a day. A great way to meet people.
But I think honestly, if you have one or two really people that you can depend on in your life, you’re good. I don’t think it’s a question of numbers. I think you don’t need 100 A friends who are always going to be there. You need one or two or three. And I think you’re good, and you’re lucky if you can cultivate that. You’ve got to go find it sometimes.
Suzy: And so if there was one tip you would, if you’re talking to your younger self, what would you say to your younger self about the way you mothered?
Laurie Ann: So I would say, don’t be so hard on yourself. You’re doing better than you think. I would tell her to not give up on her and what she loves and what she wants to be doing just because her boys, her family may not want to do the same things. Keep at it and don’t lose yourself. That’s what I would tell her.
And you know what? I would say along those lines, be true to yourself because one day, because that day has come for me now, you’ll realize that all the things you’re saying that you think your kids are not listening to at all, they are hearing it because they come back and they have their own kids and you hear them saying the same things to their kids and you realize, “Hey, I got through and they heard me.”
And sometimes it’s a do as I do it. You have to be cognizant of how you’re treating people and how you are in your life because they’re watching every move you make.
Suzy: That is true. They are little sponges that grow into big sponges. I call that last stage for my boys the Remarkable Transformation because just I thought they were never going to get it. In that early 20s phase, suddenly, boom, they started saying things back that I’d been saying, just like you mentioned.
Laurie Ann: Even if that doesn’t happen, if you know you did the best you can do, and that’s the thing about perfection, you don’t need to be perfect. You just need to have it in your heart and do the best you can do, and then that’s good enough. You’re okay, and they’re okay because they know it comes from a place of love. I think we’re lucky to have boys in our lives, and they teach us a lot as well. We teach them but they teach us a lot too.
Suzy: They do. I agree. At the end of each podcast, I ask our guests to give us a motto, like something a mom can say to herself. Do you have one? What did you say to yourself?
Laurie Ann: I guess one of my mottos is really, give them roots and give them wings and maybe always leave that door open, because you do want them to always remember who they are and where they came from, but you do, as hard as it is. That letting go is so tough. That wedding dance song is bittersweet, and you do have to let them fly and let them go and do their own thing. But to know that forever and ever your door is always open and you are their safe spot and their landing zone, and if they ever need you for anything, you’re there. I guess that’s my motto: give them roots, give them wings.
Suzy: I love that motto. That’s wonderful. I just had that wedding dance. My younger son, Exuberance, got married about a month ago.
Laurie Ann: Congratulations. What was the song?
Suzy: I think it’s Dr. John who sings it… song? I think it’s Dr. John who sings it: “You’ve got to accentuate the positive, eliminate all the negative, latch on to the affirmative and don’t mess with Mr. In-Between.”
Laurie Ann: Love that. Love that. I was at his vibe and my vibe, our relationship’s vibe. That’s great. It’s a good lesson in life. I had a song that I danced to with my youngest son that I came across and just melted over the song. I ended up having the singer-songwriter on my podcast, and I was so excited. I went to Nashville to meet him, and the song is called “Her Little Man,” and it’s unbelievable. Maybe we can provide a link for listeners, but it’s basically a song about a mom who’s pregnant with her son and dances through life with him and at the end of the song she’s dancing away at his wedding, and it just melts your heart, and it was beautiful.
Suzy: I’ll have to check it out. Those songs are so important all through life. Where can our listeners find your podcast and find more information about you?
Laurie Ann: The MOOBment Podcast is available wherever people listen to podcasts: Apple Podcasts, Spotify. We’re on YouTube as well. We have new episodes every Tuesday.
I find the show to be a reflection of me, which is, I consider myself somewhat of a hybrid kind of person. I always say I’m a little fluff and a little substance. I like chick flicks and all the girly things, and I like deep dives and really learning, so we have a little bit of both. We have a lot of fun, and we learn some great things from some great experts, and I have a website, www.themoobment.com and on that website and things like that. We’re in the midst of producing the MOOBment book, and we’re accepting submissions from Mothers of Only Boys and those who might love a MOOB and know a MOOB who would like to tell their stories, so the information is on the website.
Suzy: Well, thank you so much for joining us today, and you know we wish you well and encourage everybody to check out the MOOBment.
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