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Parenting can be joyful—but it can also feel overwhelming. In this episode of the Mothers of Boys Survival Guide Podcast, Suzy Shaw talks with mental fitness coach and mom of five, Penny Wilson, about what happens when parenting stress pushes us into survival mode and how moms can learn to pause, breathe, and respond calmly instead of reacting.
Penny shares practical tools for regulating the nervous system, handling conflict between kids, and building mental fitness so parents can lead their families with greater calm and confidence. If you’ve ever felt exhausted, reactive, or unsure how to reset during intense parenting moments, this conversation offers encouragement and simple strategies you can begin using today.
Penny Wilson is a mental fitness coach, certified hypnotherapist, and co-founder of Kokoro Creators. A homeschooling mother of five, Penny began her personal healing journey more than twenty years ago while navigating seasons of overwhelm and depression. Through years of study and personal growth, she explored neuroscience, mindset training, and hypnotherapy, gradually developing practical tools to help regulate the nervous system, shift limiting beliefs, and move from survival mode into greater clarity and emotional resilience.
Today, Penny shares those tools with parents, educators, and leaders through Kokoro Creators, where she teaches a framework designed to align the heart, body, mind, and soul. Her work focuses on helping people calm their nervous systems, reclaim their inner authority, and intentionally create lives and relationships rooted in purpose, balance, and wholeness.
Why many moms find themselves living in “survival mode” and what’s happening in the brain and nervous system during overwhelming parenting moments.
A simple pause-and-breathe technique parents can use to reset emotions before reacting.
How Penny’s three key focus questions help parents shift from frustration to intentional action.
Practical ways to handle sibling conflict calmly and teach kids healthier ways to disagree.
Penny’s Four R’s framework—Recognize, Remove, Replace, and Reimagine—for creating lasting mindset change.
Helping children discover their own “soul putty”—activities that restore joy, calm, and emotional balance.
The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Consult with a qualified professional for specific guidance.
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I’m Suzy Shaw, author of Mother’s a Boy Survival Guide and host of this podcast. I remember many moments during my parenting journey when I felt completely overwhelmed. And I’m sure every mom can relate to those times when it feels like life is running you over. So what do you do in those moments?
My guest today is going to share her experience and practical suggestions for navigating those stressful times and recognizing when we need to pause and care for ourselves. Penny Wilson is a mom of five, a mental fitness coach, and a non-traditional certified hypnotherapist who empowers parents to understand how to stay calm and lead their families more effectively. She offers practical ways to regulate the nervous system, practice self-compassion, and move from survival mode into calm leadership. Welcome Penny.
Penny Wilson: Thank you so much, Suzy. It’s a joy to be here.
Suzy Shaw: So Penny, tell us a little bit about yourself and good grief, five kids, bravo to you. I mean, you were juggling easily twice as fast as I was because I only had two boys.
Penny Wilson: Well, I was drowning while I was juggling, but yes, I definitely was juggling. I remember a time period where I was pregnant, it seemed like for constantly pregnant or nursing for like three years in a row, and yeah, it was a lot. Definitely having a lot. But yeah, I love being a mom, I love my kids, and it’s hard all at the same time, right? We go through lots in order to grow and become and give all that we are and all that we have and to help them become who all that they can be.
So, about me, I grew up in Utah, and I raised my kids in Nevada and had a background in accounting and credit, and then I went to college in dance education, so I’ve just been all over the place, finding my place in life. And then for the past three years, we’ve been building our Kokoro Creators and empowering parents, teachers, and leaders to find that calmness and to be steady under pressure so that they can really lead, love, and grow without forcing and pushing themselves.
Suzy Shaw: That is very, very interesting, and especially your business part of this whole journey, managing how to be a mom and businesswoman. I’ve been there. It is a challenge.
Penny Wilson: Yeah. Lots to juggle, just like you say, for sure.
Suzy Shaw: How old are your kids right now?
Penny Wilson: They are between 22 and 10.
Suzy Shaw: Oh, that’s a span. (Yeah.)
So you’ve described a time when you were functioning well on the outside but living in survival mode internally, and I personally can think of many times like that when I felt like I was in fake-it-till-I-make-it mode. So was there a moment when you realized things had to change?
Penny Wilson: There actually was, and it was at that moment when I fell apart completely, and I was at the end of my rope, so to speak. I had my third child by that point, and I think I was also going through some postpartum depression and really just trying to find out how to survive. In all of the overwhelm, I really didn’t allow myself to leave my house because there was so much, but at that point I was trying to get my kids one morning to clean up, and I think my oldest was six, the next was four, and then the next was maybe two at that point. So I was trying to get them to clean up, and I had unrealistic expectations that they would actually be able to do that. They’re kids, right?
And then they weren’t doing it, and then I interpreted that moment of I’m powerless, I can’t do anything, and it really came to me falling apart inside and finding out how am I going to find this place, because it really was a momzilla stage for me where I was overreacting or reacting emotionally a lot and yelling and snapping at my kids. So I had to find out after that moment how to find my calm.
Suzy Shaw: I can relate – definitely certain periods. I called that zero to three period the death wish stage because the kids seemed to have a death wish, and you’re just kind of on high alert, like oh my lord, what are they going to do next?
And then I felt that come back in their teen period, and especially for me because I went through major surgery when my boys were in middle school, and I just felt like between the pain and the surgery and the mothering and the business and everything else, things were just falling apart.
So what do you think happens to our nervous system during those moments? We’re all going to have them.
Penny Wilson: Yeah, for sure. I have one of our courses in our member area that teaches about the monkey brain that’s in the back, that’s like the surgeon that’s just trying to keep everybody safe. He’s like, just do it now. He’s commanding. And that’s really what our brains are doing, going into survival mode, just going into that immediate reaction place where our brains are trying to keep us safe.
So it’s really a matter of learning to be calm and intentional in those moments so that you can find that pause instead of reacting to the emotion that might be coming up in that moment. And that really is a practice. The calmness is like working out in the morning. We were just talking about that before we got on, but learning to work out strengthens your muscles before you actually need to have that strength if you were to need to lift a car or something. So the mental practice of calmness is also a moment of choosing to be calm ahead of time, so that you can have that strength in the moment.
Suzy Shaw: So when your kids were little, and you were hitting that moment, what did you do? Did you go to the bathroom and lock the door? I mean, I remember doing that.
Penny Wilson: Yeah. It was survival mode. I really didn’t have the tools that I have now, which is one of the things, like you talk to your past you of I want to be able to make a difference now because that mom that needs those tools that I had no idea.
So I put them in front of the TV so I could find that calm. I call it my cocoon butterfly stage. I had to do it alone. And I went through the 12-step program. I went through all sorts of learning things to try to figure out how to find that calmness inside of me.
Suzy Shaw: You know, you talked about talking to your younger self. I sort of feel like that’s part of the motivation for wanting to have written my book and do this podcast so that those of us who have had a little bit of experience getting through this can share, and hopefully it won’t be quite as difficult for the next mom.
Penny Wilson: Yeah. Wanting to make a difference and being there for others makes all the difference.
Suzy Shaw: So, what exactly is a mental fitness coach, and how do you help parents find their center and balance?
Penny Wilson: Absolutely. So a mental fitness coach, as a mental fitness coach, I train people how to focus their minds on what they desire. I use images, words, and emotions because those are the three core things that program the brain.
So if you imagine that you’re standing on the beach and you see the sun over on the right side and you see a cloud and storms over on the left side, the image represents two opposite polar forces, one that pulls us toward what we desire and one that pulls us toward what we fear. So training for mental fitness is about learning to let go of the downward pull that automatically happens and intentionally focus your mind toward what you want.
Suzy Shaw: So I appreciate the visualization. I’m a very visual person, and if someone’s listening today and could practice one sort of small shift to feel grounded and steady, what part of that would you invite them to do?
Penny Wilson: That’s a great question because a small shift would be pausing instead of reacting, just to simply breathe. Close your eyes and take three big breaths. That would be the smallest thing I could offer.
The next step, I would say, is the three key focuses. So the first key focus is to the sun: what do you want? Because typically when we’re reacting, we’re focused on what we don’t want. I’m sad about this. I’m complaining about this. I’m afraid of this. You know, all of the things that are pulling us down toward that storm. So the first key focus, what do I want? And sometimes it’s the opposite.
The second key focus is what’s hard right now? What’s the challenge? And if you need to do it the other way, what’s the challenge and then what do I want instead? Because the brain’s automatically going to go toward what’s hard, what I don’t like, what’s not working.
The third key focus is what is the one thing that I can do, one next step that I have power over to choose, and just tuning into those and finding answers inside of yourself.
Suzy Shaw: So let’s just imagine a scenario that every mom has had, especially a mom of boys. I had two boys, and I called them Ernest and Exuberance. Ernest was the kindest, just gentlest soul, and Exuberance was like the Tasmanian devil. He just had all this energy. And no one could make Ernest mad like Exuberance. I mean, he would just make him nuts. And I would walk into the room, and they’d be just going at each other, and it’s escalating, and they’re yelling.
So what is it, because I think at that moment too, as parents, you want to teach your kids how to better manage those situations, so how do you demonstrate that at that moment of chaos?
Penny Wilson: That’s a great question. So it matters how much training you’ve done before that moment. So if it’s just complete chaos, they don’t know anything. Like if I were to walk into the room and I hadn’t taught them how to disagree appropriately, there are some skills that I work with the kids, and I would just say stop talking. We need to stop talking right now. Okay, so let’s pause. And I would separate them so that they could have that moment of calm, right?
And then we could come back, and we can talk about it. What happened? How do you feel? Why do you feel that way? And usually conflicts like this are all about someone trying to control someone else, and there’s a negative emotional reaction happening, right?
So a couple of my girls have this negative thing going on as well. They tease each other. They’ll do it on purpose. And I actually, the other day, opted. I said next time you guys choose to do this, I’m not going to come and rescue you because I talked to them and they didn’t want to change the behavior.
So it is a matter of what tools can you teach them and how to disagree. How do they want their relationship to be? Because I can’t control what they choose their relationship to be. So it’s a matter of me showing up in the moment of staying calm instead of adding to the fuel, right? I don’t want to put fuel on the fire. Now you guys stop talking and yelling, but that’s not going to help, right? So, just really finding a way to have that peace inside of yourself first as a parent, so that you can then know what to do to respond instead of react.
Suzy Shaw: I agree. Separating is so… that nobody can reach a solution if they have that emotionally heightened sense of let’s call it communication going on.
Penny Wilson: Yeah, because the back of the brain is taking over, right? And the front part of the brain is where we have answers and clarity and calmness and intuition and innovation and all the things that create creativity. We can’t think through the problem, so that really is absolutely the first step. We need to get calm first.
Suzy Shaw: Right, and teach our kids to get calm when they’re in conflict, right?
Penny Wilson: Exactly.
Suzy Shaw: One of our first podcasts was called Mindful Mama, Strong Son: Helping Children Reset Stress, and we talked a lot about mindfulness and self-care and teaching stress-reducing techniques to our kids. In fact, the guest even had some videos, some meditation videos that people could access on YouTube, which was really interesting.
Today, I feel like many of us are living in a state of information overload, which makes self-care and modeling healthy behavior even more important. What creates change that actually lasts? And I do think that the mom is sort of critical in the dynamics of making meaningful, lasting change.
Penny Wilson: Yeah. So what creates lasting change is recognizing patterns and choosing them consciously. So we just talked about the pattern of the three key focuses, and that literally trains the brain to look for what you want because it automatically goes to what you don’t want.
One of my teens was struggling with depression a lot in the past few years. And for the past year, consistently every night at bed, I’ve asked him what was good about today. And every day we talked for just a few minutes before bed. And then just the other day, I said something about have you noticed how you’re not as depressed and sad? And I think it’s because we’ve been talking every night before bed about what’s good about today. Then he says you tricked me. Well, I guess if that’s the way you want to see it, but I’m training the brain.
So it’s conscious awareness of patterns. And when you choose to find something that your believing that you want to let go of and change, I use a pattern called the four R’s. The first R is recognizing. What don’t you want? Why is it hard? Why does it hurt?
The second R is removing. What do you want to let go about that past experience? What do you want? Part of you is, you know, I call it the Phoenix stage, the burning down. There’s something about why you’re choosing that or did choose it in the past and how you can choose it differently in the future.
The third R is replacing, really what you want to feel. Like if the emotion was anger and you want to feel calmness, really training the brain how to replace that. There isn’t a lack of space or knowledge. You have to put something where something wasn’t, right? So we need to put something in.
And then the fourth R is reimagining. And often I will imagine myself in a situation, even as parenting, I didn’t like the way I showed up in that situation. And how could I do it differently? What could I do? What do I want to remove? What did I say? How do I want to show up instead? And then literally that reimagine stage is playing it out like a movie in your mind, seeing it like how do I want to show up when I walk into that room? Do I want to start yelling, or do I want to just be there and observe and notice? Or do I want to say, hey guys, what’s going on? Like how to play the movie in your mind so you really can create that program.
So conscious awareness of patterns and what happens to create lasting change happens in that calm, relaxed state where you can find answers from inside of yourself.
Suzy Shaw: I really appreciate your description too of explaining to your son to let’s just think of one positive thing every day, the best thing that happened to you today. When we used to play a game called high low at the dinner table, right, where somebody would just have to give their worst thing that happened to them and the best thing that happened to them. And we were able to keep track of each other without going through long explanations. And with boys they never wanted to have those long conversations anyway.
Penny Wilson: I get one-sentence answers. I’m happy about it.
Suzy Shaw: Right. I also appreciate what you were, and I forget which R this was, whether it was reflective, where you were talking about what to do to sort of self-heal. Which R was that?
Penny Wilson: First R is recognize, second R is remove, and that begins the healing sequence.
Suzy Shaw: So in my book, I talk about something called soul putty. And I think that everybody has cracks in their soul, and the important thing is to understand what’s going to fill your cracks. What’s going to make you feel better by yourself, and to teach that to your children so that they can identify what their soul putty is.
For me, my soul putty was playing the guitar. I’ve been playing since I was in fourth grade or something, and I don’t have to play for other people. I play for myself. So playing my guitar was my soul putty. And I tried to help my boys figure out what their soul putty was. Ernest’s was watching funny comedians. He loved to laugh or read a funny book. He just loved to laugh. So how do you talk about that with your kids?
Penny Wilson: Yeah, our one sentence answer is right now. I would love to actually work on creating more space for those conversations. I notice and observe. So first, I can recognize my 16-year-old son. His soul putty, if I were to guess just by observing, is cooking in the kitchen. He just loves it, and his dad used to love to cook. So just cooking in the kitchen and being there in that space. I would say first noticing is that recognized part, and then having that conversation of what brings you joy? What about it brings you joy? Because I’m trying to help them to see who are they and what is their purpose on the planet? What are they born to do? Finding out what your passions and your joys are will help to ignite that curiosity to explore what that is that they’re moving toward. So just finding that conversation, creating it. Sometimes it’s spontaneous, and sometimes it’s at bedtime, but really creating more space for that. I definitely need to work on that.
Suzy Shaw: Well, we could all stand to continue to work on it. And I will say, as a mom, especially when my boys were teenagers, that bedtime period was a moment when they might actually talk to me.
Penny Wilson: Yeah. I have to say I can only talk to my 16-year-old at bedtime because I’m putting my 10-year-old to bed, so that’s the routine that’s making that work.
Suzy Shaw: Right. Before we wrap up, I want to ask one more thing. There may be a mom listening today who feels like she’s barely holding it together, overwhelmed, reactive, exhausted, and wondering if she’s doing this right. What do you want that mom to know?
Penny Wilson: That’s such a hard place to be, and first of all, I have so much compassion for being in that place. I want you to know that you have the power to choose. What you believe is what will become true. When you claim that power to choose and that power to pause, then you can find a way to let go of what you don’t want so that you can focus more and more on what you do want.
Suzy Shaw: That’s powerful. Thank you. And I agree that choosing to pause is so important.
I ask all of our guests for a motto or something a mom can say to herself during those moments of complexity and emotional anxiety when she’s trying to find the calm. What do you say to yourself, and what kind of motto would you offer?
Penny Wilson: First, I would offer that words have power and what you say will become true. If you’re in overwhelm, I would say in that moment choose to pause, close your eyes, take three big breaths, and say to yourself I am calm, I am safe, I choose to be here. Here referring to the present moment, here referring to being in your body, in your home, in your life, all of those choices that you’ve made to get to where you are.
What I say to myself is kind of on the next level. It’s an I am statement, and it feels really big to say it out loud, but I’ve learned it over time, and it was an accumulation of the answers that I found from inside of myself. This is what I say when I close my eyes and pause and find that center inside. I say I am a calm, powerful, victorious weapon of light born to lead through galvanism to create synergistic solutions for the glory of God.
Suzy Shaw: And I agree. You are.
Penny Wilson: Thank you. But encouraging each mom to find your own I am statement, the thing that will help you remember who you are.
Suzy Shaw: So, Penny, if people want to reach out to you directly or find out more information about your practice, where do they go?
Penny Wilson: You can find YouTubes that are definitely free, and there are lots of meditations on our Kokoro Creators YouTube page. Our homepage website is Kokoro Creators, that’s kokorocreators.com. We have a four-stage program that guides people through each place of becoming a creator.
Suzy Shaw: For our listeners, you can go to the mothersofboys.life website, and we will have links to everything that Penny just mentioned for your convenience. I thank you for joining us today.
Penny Wilson: Thanks so much, Suzy. It’s a pleasure to be here.
Suzy Shaw: And thank you, MOB, Mothers of Boys, for joining us for another podcast of the Mothers of Boys Survival Guide. You may find us on Facebook, Instagram, YouTube, LinkedIn, and your favorite podcast platforms. So be kind to yourselves, moms, and have a great week.
