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What happens when a boy grows up feeling unseen? In this episode, E.A. Johnson shares how childhood trauma, bullying, and the pressure to “tough it out” shaped his path—and how those early experiences can follow boys into adulthood, impacting confidence, relationships, and mental health.
Through his personal story and the VIBE framework (Vision, Intention, Belief, Execution), E.A. offers practical ways moms can help their sons feel seen, build resilience, and develop the confidence to navigate life with purpose.
E.A. Johnson is a motivational speaker, father, and creator of the VIBE Success System. Drawing from his own experience with childhood trauma, bullying, anxiety, and addiction, he brings a powerful and honest perspective on how early struggles can shape a boy’s path into adulthood.
After a transformational turning point in his 20s, E.A. rebuilt his life—overcoming addiction without rehab and going on to become an award-winning pharmaceutical sales representative, husband, and devoted father. Through his VIBE framework—Vision, Intention, Belief, and Execution—he helps others understand how mindset, confidence, and small, consistent actions can lead to lasting change.
The information provided in this podcast is for general informational purposes only and does not constitute professional advice. Consult with a qualified professional for specific guidance.
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What happens when a boy grows up feeling like he doesn’t matter? Not seen, not heard, not safe enough to say what’s really going on? Because those feelings don’t stay in childhood. They follow him into adulthood.
In this episode of the Mother of Boys Survival Guide podcast, I’m joined by E.A. Johnson, a father, motivational speaker, and creator of the VIBE Success System, who shares his journey from a traumatic childhood and addiction to rebuilding his life with purpose and intention.
We’ll talk about what happens when boys feel unseen, the pressure to tough it out, and how that silence can shape the men they become. And most importantly, what we, as moms, can do differently so our boys have the support they need to grow and thrive.
Welcome, E.A.
EA Johnson: Hey, thank you so much for having me. So excited to talk with you today.
Suzy: So, you and I talked previously, getting ready for the podcast, and I appreciate that you’ve lived through a lot of different experiences. Can you take us back to your childhood and what shaped you early on?
EA Johnson: Yeah, so in my childhood, you know, early on, I had some traumas that affected me. I was sexually abused as a child. I was bullied a lot, physically abused as a child. And those things that happened to me. As a child, you know, you think you don’t realize how they can affect you as you become an adult and how you can move forward. Those things really had, obviously, a definite impact on me and how I proceeded forward and how I entered into adulthood. And then that manifested itself in a lot of other ways as I became an adult.
Suzy: And, you know, the interesting thing to me is that as a child, you don’t necessarily perceive those things as threats; it’s just the way you know it. And so, you know, that affects how you go into adulthood.
So when you think about your younger self, what, you know, what did you need the most that you weren’t getting, and what do you wish the adults in your life might have done differently?
EA Johnson: Yeah, so that’s a great question. You know, in my younger life, you know, one of the things, you know, I was in a family where I had both parents, but they worked all the time. So they were usually at work. You know, back in those days, even from a young age, I came home by myself. It was safer times, I guess, to some degree, but I’d come by take the bus and get home, you know, at age seven, you know, I was by myself. So I spent a lot, a lot of time by myself.
Suzy: And you were living in New York City, is that right?
EA Johnson: Massachusetts, actually. Massachusetts. Framingham, Massachusetts, but that’s from originally. So yeah, I would be there. I’d be home by myself for a long period of time. And, you know, a lot of these things that happened being bullied, you know, being sexually abused, you know, a lot of these things that maybe I wish I was more protected as a child.
And, you know, I think, and I can’t think for everyone, but for me, it wasn’t that I wasn’t in a loving home or loving environment. It’s people just weren’t around, you know, weren’t around. And then, you know, my dad was old school, if you will, that if, you know, there’s any sort of events that happened or any sort of traumas or any sort of emotional distress, if you will, it was always, you know, tough it out. No, you’re you’re a boy. Tough it out. Be tough. You know, he grew up in very rough and humble beginnings in his environment. I kind of understand his mindset. But for me, being a child, you know, I kind of wish that there had been different ways, different talk paths, different things we could, you know, they would have said or done to help me or protect me, you know, as a child growing up.
Suzy: So if one of your parents got home, especially your mom, since this is a podcast for moms, what kind of question do you wish she might have asked, you know, and to get a little bit more out of you than the typical “fine,” which is the answer we get.
EA Johnson: Now that I’m older and you look back on it, you know, I wish there was more of how are you feeling, you know, not just, and I was really good at sports. So that was always a big driver in my life. And that was kind of out of the talk was basketball and that sort of stuff. But it wasn’t so much of how you’re feeling, you know, emotionally, how are you feeling about this certain situation, about what’s happened recently? Those sort of questions I wish were asked more.
It was always just more of, well, you’re good at sports. And so I know you’re doing fine, you know, but I wish, you know, and my mom was more of the one that would talk a little more. She was a little more in-depth than my dad. My dad was more of the my way, the highway type of person. And but my mom would talk a little bit more, but still it really wasn’t the depth. And again, you know, those kind of tools that they grew up with, right? No one was talking about emotions and things when they when their childhood, and they both had my mom, and they both had rough childhoods themselves. So, you know, as I’m older now, I can give them a little grace. But, you know, I wish as a young boy, there had been in my mom had just talked to me more about how I’m feeling, how I’m processing what has happened today. And, you know, just in my, you know, emotional state, I think that would have been better for me to help to process through kind of what I was feeling.
Suzy: And what age did you go through, you know, the majority of your bigger traumas – bullying and the sexual abuse.
EA Johnson: Yeah, I mean, the sexual abuse I was, I was like 6, I believe I was really young. The bullying really went along probably from age 7 through high school, and then actually came back again in college and caused they called it hazing, you know, but those those trauma, those triggers that were there for me were tough.
And kind of going back to your beginning topic, you say, how these things affect you as you become older. So, because of all these traumas that I had as a child, as you said earlier, I felt like I didn’t matter. That was the biggest thing. I felt like I didn’t matter. No one cared about me. And because I felt like I didn’t matter as a child, when I became an adult, I acted like I didn’t matter.
So when I became an adult, I became addicted to pain pills, I had severe anxiety, and that turned into insomnia, which I couldn’t sleep. And as I couldn’t sleep, not really knowing the root cause of why I wasn’t sleeping, but trying to deal with this insomnia, I then started with alcohol, and then that didn’t work. Then I went into pain pills, and you start taking more and more pain pills and everything I could get my hands on, again, because I felt like I didn’t matter.
And then, the changing point for me, you know, this is always into my early 20s, is one day I said, you know what, I’m just going to write down everything that I’m taking right now. And I just sat there and wrote it all down. And the next day, while I was so sober, I read this list, and I’m reading it, and it’s OxyContin and Vicodin and Percocet and half a bottle of wine, more of Vicodin and Percocet, half a bottle of Nyquil, and I’m reading this list. And I was not suicidal. I wasn’t trying to kill myself. But as I read the list, I said, Man, if my mom read this list, if someone I cared about read this list, they would think I was trying to kill myself.
And it was really in that moment that mentally I said, okay, things have to change. We can’t continue down this path, because this path will lead to something very bad. You know, and it was in that moment that I said, I have to change that was kind of the beginning of me really getting into personal development and reading books and podcasts and wasn’t podcast way back then, like YouTube and whatever else I could get, but I was becoming a sponge before that I hadn’t really read anything, you know.
Suzy: How old were you?
EA Johnson: So this part was in, I was like 25 or so, when I was in the height of my addiction. And like I said, that’s when I really started getting into personal development to say, man, I need to change what’s even out there. How do I do that?
And it was as I was going through this personal development that I started realizing that, you know, human beings, we all vibrate at different frequencies. And I started realizing that when you have feelings of love and joy, you vibrate at a higher vibration. And when you have feelings of self-doubt and failure and fear, you operate at a low vibration. So I started realizing that successful people vibrate at a higher vibration.
So I started seeing that, man, success is a vibe. And people said like coffee is a vibe, now yoga is a vibe, and everything’s a vibe. But I said success is a vibe. But for me, VIBE was an acronym for vision, intention, belief, and execution. And I started realizing, if you can have all four of those, then you can have a lifetime of success. And it was really that VIBE system that helped get me out of that dark place and take me from, you know, at that point, too, not only was I, I think at the pain pills, I was making minimum wage, my lights got turned off for non-payment, my cable was turned off for non-payment, phone was like, so I was in a truly dark, dark place, literally and figuratively.
So that was the beginning of my journey, going from that place to then becoming, you know, an award-winning pharmaceutical sales rep, becoming a motivational speaker, becoming a father, husband, you know, that was kind of the impetus from getting from there to where I am now.
Suzy: So as I listened to your story- I call that age, the “remarkable transformation” that young adult age, you So you’re in this period of your twenties, where the remarkable transformation is occurring, you’re learning hard life lessons of work is not as much fun as I thought it was going to be. Independence is not as fun as I thought it would be. My heart’s getting broken by X, Y and Z person. So, tell me about that, that transition period and how long it took.
EA Johnson: The first thing that has to change is your mindset. It has to be first. And honestly, I think your mindset can change in an instant. Something can happen, trauma can happen. Someone can tell you something. You can be in an event, and you can shift your mind, and you go and you can see things differently. So that’s the first thing that can happen. But then now it’s okay, here comes the hard part because your mind has now changed. You become open. You see more.
But now, how do you start doing the things or getting to where you want to do? Right? Because then you actually start the process and then you run into roadblocks and you run the setbacks and then you’re like, well, maybe I wanted to change, maybe I can’t change, or maybe this change isn’t for me. So, you know, for me, you say, how long did it take them out? I would say it’s almost still ongoing. Right?
As far as that change. I would say that maybe that acute phase, I mean, two to three years of just constantly, because in those times, as you said, your mind has now shifted, but your environment is usually still the same. Right? Now your environment can be physical, from where you live. Your environment can be the people that you’re around. You’re right. So if you’re still around those people with these limiting beliefs or these mindsets that are incongruent with where you’re trying to go, right? That can be very difficult, especially at a young age when, you know, relationships and community are so important. And what are your friends think of you? My friend’s not going to like me and that sort of stuff. So it takes a couple of years of you changing and changing and understanding who you are.
One of the things that I, that I say to people is that your willpower will always succumb to who you believe you are. So you could be all getting motivated. Okay. I’m ready to change, ready to change. If we do great things, take over the world. Right. But if you don’t start believing that stuff, right? And you don’t think that’ll actually happen, as soon as that person tells you, you can’t and you won’t because of X, Y, and Z, you’re going to start falling back. So you have to start building up that willpower, building up your confidence.
So other questions people says, well, how do you build up that confidence? How does that happen? And I heard a great quote from Ed Mylett, actually. And he said that, “Confidence comes from keeping the promises you make to yourself.” So when I was in that dark place, I was just trying to, let’s just do one more thing. Do say something and then do it. Right. When I was addicted to the pain pills, I was like, let’s see if we can just not take one for another 30 minutes. Let’s just try that. You know, and then we get to 30 minutes. Oh, I did it. Right. So you start building some of those confidence, small wins, micro wins, those micro wins start building up that builds your confidence to who you are. Now you’re someone that achieves things. You’re not someone that fails and can’t and those would be now you’re a person that achieves and does what they say they’re going to do. And when you start stacking those small wins, then you start to change who you are.
And that takes a while, right? Like that’s not going to happen. Like, that’s going to take some time, some years to stack these wins. But eventually, when you start stacking wins, you start becoming more confident. Now you start changing the person that you are. People start seeing you show up differently. So now your energy is different. So you’re attracting different energy and that’s how it can start to build itself.
Suzy: So you’ve mentioned the VIBE that you’ve created something called the VIBE system. Can you walk us through what that means and how parents could use it with their boys?
EA Johnson: So success is a vibe. It’s a system that I teach. And again, it stands for vision, intention, belief, and execution. So you can apply it to any area of life. So when you have boys, and especially boys that are in difficult situations, and they don’t want to talk, they’re isolating. You know, for me, I put the V first because I always believe in order to get out of anything or to get somewhere to achieve some sort of goal, there has to be a vision of where you want to go. You know, if you get in your car and you put in the GPS, you have to have a destination, or it has to be a vision of what it is you want.
When I was in that place, I had no vision. Like, I was just like, whatever, you would have everyone told me to do. So how has been your, your son or these boys say, Hey, what do we want to do? Where do we want to go? And that could be anything, right? It doesn’t matter what that is. But a lot of times, boys, we’re just, you know, we’re team players. You got to do what the coach says, you got to do what the parents, we just kind of follow, follow, follow, follow, follow. But what is it we’re trying to do? What is it we want? So with boys, we’re, we know, boys are more of, of, of a team, of a coach, of a system, of a process. And how do we get there? So get a vision, get that vision of where they want to go.
Once you get the vision, what it is that they want to do, what they want to accomplish, then you can reverse engineer to get the intentions, which are the action steps. All right. Now you’re building the steps. How do you get there? What’s the next thing? If it’s sports, you know, practice, and what’s the next thing to do to get better? If it’s, you know, in school, what sort of classes do you need to take and what grades need to get, whatever that is, what are your intentions? And you start working on those.
So once you have the intentions, again, it starts taking away all that idle time, that anxiety time, all these weird thoughts creep in. No, no, no, we’re going to do and work the process.
And then when having the belief, beliefs can be difficult at first, you know, but as if it’s a parent, if it’s moms of boys, moms, you can instill the belief, right? You believe in your son. You let them know, I believe in you. You believe in you, but I believe in you. You know, sometimes we have to believe what other people think of us until our belief kicks in, right? So when you start, so as a mom, you start telling your child, you can, you can, I believe in you, I believe you.
So then that builds up their belief. And the last part is that execution. Execution is always the hardest part. That’s actually the doing part. You know, I use the analogy, you know, if you want to lose weight, lose 30 pounds, you know, you can envision yourself, you know, on the beach in the bikini, you can get the trainer, you know, but then you get on the treadmill, you start running and now, you know, your lungs hurt and your legs hurt, right? Then you don’t want to execute it. So the execution is always the hardest.
And again, for boys, a lot of us boys, we’re kind of all over the place. And I have a son who has ADHD, he’s like a squirrel. He can’t focus on anything, but you have to execute, you know, helping them execute in the game with moms. One of the things I wish someone had helped my mother had helped me execute more as a child. Again, I was fortunate. I had basketball as a refuge. I was always executing at that. So people saw that I was executing at something, not knowing all the other stuff was so way off in my brain. But again, just helping your son execute, okay, this is what we said we’re going to do. I’m going to help you start to execute these things so that you can then understand that you’re capable of executing on your own.
Suzy: Right. And I do believe that positive thinking from the mom to her son is so, so critical. And to some degree, I think of it as just a human- I think of it as the leap of faith in yourself. And it takes, it takes a long time to have enough confidence in yourself to take that leap of faith. Right. And that’s what your VIBE system is really talking about.
So you have a son, what are you doing differently?
EA Johnson: Yeah. So one of the big differences between me and my son, my son’s 10, is just, I mean, I talked to him about everything. I talked to him about everything. I don’t want him to have, I don’t want to think about what is this or what is that? I mean, we just talk about, you know, what do you have questions about? And even if he doesn’t have questions about, because as you know, now social media and YouTube, they see all the stuff. It’s all there for them, you know, but I don’t want him to have a question about what is this or how is that?
So we’ve talked about, you know, drugs, sex, whatever it is, so that he’s aware, you know, the pros and cons and how it works. And then, you know, I didn’t hear anything. I had no talks about nothing, you know, it was all figured all out, you know, right. And I want him to be crystal clear so that he doesn’t have a lot of the times we get in trouble because of curiosity, right? I wonder what that’s about. And I wonder what that’s about. I wonder if these drugs are about, you know, just wonder, you know, but if someone can say, hey, this is what they do, this is what they don’t do, this is what you shouldn’t do, what you shouldn’t do, and this is how they can affect you, we can have those conversations.
So, and me as a one, I’m super overcommunicating with my son. I’m very, very affectionate with my son hugs, kisses, you know, I didn’t get that stuff, you know, back, that wasn’t a thing for me either. Really, both my parents, we just really weren’t that affectionate, honestly, when I was a kid.
Suzy: Well, and I don’t think it was as, you know, encouraged for males, it was more like, you know, tap on the back, good job.
EA Johnson: Yeah, yeah. It’s all was high five, you know, so it was no, it was no affection. Really, in my, for me growing up, you know, there was affirmation of, hey, good job, but there wasn’t affection. And I think that was messed up. So I try to give affirmation and affection to my son. So then knowing that he’s loved, you know, is a big difference. I want my son to, he knows, heck, there’s anything wrong, you come to me, we talk about it, like I said, so that’s the big difference that I do with my son.
Suzy: So for listeners, we’ve recorded several podcasts that, that are really fabulous on communication recommendations for kids of all different ages. So I suggest you look through the Mothers of Boys podcast list for that.
But if a mom is listening now and thinking, I want to get this right, what are a few simple things she can do today to make her son feel more seen and supported…
EA Johnson: Yeah, I mean, I think to make your feelings, you know, one’s going to sound simple, but hugs and kisses, right? They go a long way, you know, and I think for whatever reason, kind of was it earlier, I think for boys, you think, Oh, they don’t want them. They might say mom get away or whatever else, but they still want it. You know, so those hugs and kisses are very important.
Affirmation, you know, when they do something right, you know, great job. And it doesn’t, the thing is, I think what a mom can do is it doesn’t have to be the big stuff, right? It doesn’t have to be, I don’t know, you won the championship or you got a hundred percent on the test, right? That’s great. But the, but the small stuff, you know, you finished all your work, you know. You passed this test. You took out the trash. Like I asked you to do, you cleaned up your shorts off the floor, you know, it’s the little things that we need the affirmation from and the love for. And we do the small stuff, then we’ll do the big stuff, but waiting for the big stuff, the big stuff might not come, you know, and in the big stuff, you know, depending on what you deem as big versus what I deem as big to be totally different things, you know, and that’s what’s different, you know.
For my son, he struggles in school with math sometimes. So he might not be getting a hundred, you know, if I wait for that, you know what I mean? But, but hey, if he can get an 80, you know, or 78, you know, something like that when he was struggling, see, we celebrate all those things. So I think celebrate everything positive that your son does, you know, what we say, what rewards get replicated, right? So just make sure you’re there, make sure he knows that he can tell you anything, you know, that’s what happens if we’re always berating and why could you do this and you’re dumb and you can’t, right? You know, I think words matter, you know, so making sure those are positive.
My son will still get things wrong. I’m saying it’s always positive all the time. But if it’s going to be, you know, something that he did, he needs to be reprimanded for, and it also needs to be the love on the positive side. So it can’t just be one-sided. So, making sure we’re doing, make sure you’re present, give hugs and kisses, making sure we celebrate all the good stuff. You know, I think those are some things that we can start with to get a better relationship, which will then open the communication. So, if something bad does happen, help them trust and have confidence to tell you about it.
Suzy: Right. Love, love that.
EA, we also ask all of our guests to, at the end of each podcast, to share a guiding motto or a saying, you know, what would you suggest for a mom who’s sort of struggling in those moments to protect her son to say to herself?
EA Johnson: I have a lot of quotes I love, but one that I think is that apropos here is if you change the way you look at things, the things that you look at will change. And what that means is that I’m a parent to it, so I’m in the middle, I’m 10, 10 years old, so I’m in the middle of it right now with you guys. And sometimes we get so focused on, oh my goodness, how could they not do that? And they didn’t do what I said. And I’ve told them six times, but they still didn’t do it. And we’re so frustrated, and we’re so upset. And we’re just like, you got to figure this out, you know, but sometimes if we can stop, you know, and start changing the way we look at things instead of looking at all the negative things that we’re so mad about that they do and start looking at what the positive things this child does great. He has unique gifts and talents that are amazing that he’s able to do. Something’s much, much better than I can do it as an adult. He can do it much better right now. And when we start looking at those things, start celebrating those great things that they do, and then finding ways to accentuate those things, right? Instead of always being upset because not doing the stuff we want them to do, I think is one thing that we can really look at to really help to change our perspective on our child.
Because we’re all focused, we want to be the best, we do. But sometimes we’re so hard and so tough and so driving of what they don’t do that we don’t celebrate what they do do.
Suzy: And I think maybe backing off a little bit of the criticism when they do something wrong and being supportive is really important to that balance.
EA Johnson: Right, 100%. I mean, if they left their socks on the floor, is the world going to end? It’s frustrating, but it’s not going to end, right? Okay, pick the socks up and let’s keep moving forward. Right. But yeah, you’re 100%. Keeping that perspective, big picture perspective as to what’s most important for the child and for our relationship.
Suzy: You know, parenting, it’s the project that takes, I don’t know, 30 years to figure out if you did it right. So it’s got a long runway. For sure, for sure.
So you are a motivational speaker and very inspirational. Where can our listeners go to learn more about you and what you do?
EA Johnson: Yeah, so go to my website. My website is www.eajonsonspeaks.com. I go to my Instagram page, which is just @eajonsonspeaks. And if you want to email me, it’s just in**@************ks.com.
Suzy: And I will be including all of that information in the show notes for this podcast on our webpage, which is at mothersofboys.life. And thank you so much for joining us and sharing your energy, recommendations and your success. We appreciate it.
EA Johnson: No, thank you so much for having me. It is a phenomenal time here. And I recommend people to pick up your book, Mothers of Boys Survival Guide. It’s a great book. So thank you so much for having me. I really appreciate it. Thank you, EA.
